You know that moment when someone says something crazy and time freezes while you figure out how to respond?

Once upon a time, I missed a phone call. It buzzed in my pocket while I was at work, I wasn’t able to pick up, and I forgot to return the call that afternoon. Thankfully it wasn’t an emergency, but it was an honest little blunder on my part. These things happen, right?

They followed up with me right before church started the next Sunday. I said offhandedly, “Sorry I missed your call, I was pretty busy,” which was a perfectly reasonable explanation. Wasn’t it? We finished our business, exchanged pleasant chit chat and went into worship. All good, right?...Right!?

Wrong. 

“When you said you didn’t have time for my call, it really hurt my feelings. I felt like I wasn’t important to you,” they said tearfully, having pulled me aside after service. I know exactly where I was standing in the foyer of the church because this is the moment time literally stopped while I scrambled to respond.
Here’s the (unflattering) transcript of my inner dialogue:
Wait, your feelings are hurt because I was busy? Should my schedule revolve around you? Am I supposed to be glued to my phone? Did I miss something? I was at work, like a normal person. I have a life! You’re being unreasonable.
…but it actually doesn’t matter. Jesus said, “If your brother has something against you…” yada yada. I don’t get to decide whether it’s legit or not. Right now, I’m the bad guy! Between them and me, Jesus will take their side, I know it. I can either correct or I can apologize…Hmm. Better apologize. How Christlike of me.
But I didn’t do anything wrong! Ughh!
…but I really hurt them. Okay, fine. Looks like I have to just swallow it this time.

After 3 eternal seconds, I said, with as much sincerity as I could manage, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, and it was certainly not my intention to communicate that you’re not important. You are important. Please forgive me!” We hugged and made up (and had a quick chat about my availability), but oh man was my ego bruised.

Jesus teaches in Matthew 5:23-24, “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you...first be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift.” He made it your responsibility to proactively reconcile when you’re the bad guy in someone else’s story. Whether it seems reasonable or not, He requires us to own our failures, apologize, and repent before the worship music starts.