God or Not?

One random day over ten years ago, while I was praying alone, a voice in my mind, which sounded kinda like my inner monologue, said, "Within a few months, you're going to sleep with someone again." This statement filled me with dread! I felt guilty, dirty, gross! I didn't want to disappoint God! How could I avoid this fate!?

There wasn't much I could do, so I set it aside, waited, and told Seth Gerber, a New Day leader, a few weeks later. He said plainly, "That definitely wasn't God." I was mad. I recognized that voice! Or so I thought...
Then, per Galatians 5, I reviewed the fruit: guilt, dread, feeling gross and hopeless. Seth was right, and I learned how to better recognize God's voice.

Later that year, I went to a conference where I saw a pretty gal across the room. A voice in my mind, which sounded similar to my own thoughts, said, "That's your wife." How exciting! I'd never met her, nor learned her name...but surely God wouldn't lead me astray, right? Mind racing, I froze with uncertainty. Should I introduce myself? Leave my number in her unguarded purse? Propose?! How confusing....

I decided that, if it was God, an opportunity would present itself. Hours passed, she disappeared, and I never saw her again. Nor did that voice ever prompt further action. After reviewing the fruit of confusion, paralysis, and the lack of opportunity, it's safe to say that the voice was not the Lord. It was my own heart projecting physical attraction onto "God's will." And so I learned how to better recognize God's voice.

This year, I spent 4 months without a job. Early on, a familiar voice in my mind, which sounds a lot like Scripture, cautioned, "Don't latch on to anything that looks like job security. If you trust and seek me, I'll take care of you" (see Matthew 6:25-34). Recently, after an inspired week of developing my latest board game, I received a text from my old manager with a job offer. It came with feelings of peace, compassion, provision, and faith, which all seem like good fruit to me. I knew this one was from the Lord. 

Honestly, it felt kind of silly to return to the same company, but God came through. And he used the time off to focus on deepening my trust and partnership with Him. And I'm still humbly learning to better recognize His voice.