Recently I came across a prayer from Francis of Assisi that has really stuck with me. The second half of the prayer is given below:
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console,
To be understood, as to understand,
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.
Console > being consoled
Do I use my relationships as a way for me to be comforted? Is my goal to make sure others meet my needs? What would it look like if I purposely approached the relationships in my life with the goal of consoling when I see there is hurt and sadness? If I am looking to help in this area, God will give me the opportunity to be a blessing. If I am always looking for others to console me, I will never see the need they have in their own lives.
God, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console.
Understand > being understood
If my desire is to understand those I disagree with, instead of making sure they understand me, it completely changes how I interact with them. Can I surrender my need to be understood and instead listen to what they have to say and where they are coming from? This is so counterintuitive to today’s culture where we all must prove why we are right and all other opinions are wrong. Is that how we see Jesus acting? Is he proud of me today when I do not take time to listen and understand my neighbor because I believe I am right and must convince everyone else? Does understanding them mean I have to agree with them? No. Does loving them mean I should be taking the time to listen and understand them? Absolutely.
God, grant that I may not so much seek to be understood, as to understand.
Love > being loved
Our culture is fueled by the desire to be noticed, to be recognized, to be appreciated, and ultimately to be loved. It is easy to let this desire to be loved control our entire life. This can impact our friendships, our marriages, our careers, and just about every other aspect of our lives. When our focus is on getting love from others, we often end up trying to manipulate them. If I do this one thing, or say these certain words, or dress this way, or am funny enough, or get the next promotion, or complete this project, or say one more lie, or pretend I am someone I am not, or hundreds of other possibilities...THEN maybe I will be shown love. Chasing love from others sucks the life from us and often turns us into someone we are not. What if our goal was to seek ways to love others instead of devising ways to receive their love?
God, grant that I may not so much seek to be loved, as to love.
We all need to be consoled, to be understood and to be loved. That is how God made us. Still, we cannot make others love us, for that is not what we are designed to do. In fact, it is just the opposite. We are designed to give comfort, to give understanding, and to give love. For it is in giving that we receive.