When I was a student at the CTF School of Ministry in Toronto, Canada, I was really struggling to connect with God in a meaningful way. I would pray and jump into ministry times, but no matter what, I still felt like my relationship with God was ending up at the surface level.
After a few weeks of this, I was journaling during a worship set and asked God to speak to me about what was happening. I then vividly saw a picture of myself, but my chest appeared like a locked display case, and inside was my heart. I felt God wanted to connect with my heart, but couldn’t, as the display case was locked. Then I heard God say “Lewis, I don’t want you to just be transparent with me, but to truly open up. I want you to be vulnerable with me.”
There is a profound difference between transparency and vulnerability. Transparency is an openness for observation, but not connection. You let folks know how you’re doing, but keep them at arm's length so they can’t affect you. Alternatively, vulnerability not only allows for observation, but intentionally opens up for connection. You don’t just tell someone what’s happening, you share it with them and make space for them to support you.
This is what God called me out on. I had gotten really good at being transparent with Him, but was never truly vulnerable with Him, I allowed Him to hear about my life, but not speak into it. When I began to work on this, to “open the display case of my heart,” my experience of Him totally changed. I began to feel His presence more clearly, that I was loved, and He was ready to restore every wounded piece of my heart.
In our current series, this is the exact process we’re talking about. God’s always available to us, but when we choose to open our hearts to Him, particularly in the areas that we’d like to avoid, that’s when we can encounter His miraculous healing and freedom on a whole new level. That’s when He, as Rev. 3:20 says, eats with us, and we with Him. When we have true relationship with each other.
As we continue to dive into what true healing in our hearts means, I encourage you to take the scary step to open your heart in vulnerability to Him, you’ll find He doesn’t shame or reject you, but in fact loves you, and wants to restore you.
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20 (ESV)