Has anyone else found the dynamics of dealing with Covid-19 conducive to an argument—whether with your spouse, a roommate, your children, your family, or via social media, "them"? I haven't. Just kidding. I have. While arguments (or disagreements/difference of opinion in a more moderate sense) are a normal part of human interactions, they seem to have intensified in this season.
It's been the case for Chloe and me that we don't think the same way about some things. Surprising, I know. Specific to this season, how we’ve processed things has been on different wavelengths and times…and I know we're not alone. In writing this, I have talked to/heard from many couples and people who have expressed that they are not on the same page with their spouse, roommates, friends, etc., when it comes to how they're thinking about the virus and its aftermath. Is one of you right, and the other wrong? Maybe…but that’s the wrong question.
I remember receiving the premarital advice: "the person is more important than the point." Is that, in a general sense, true? Only if you can admit that you're wrong. My dad used to say, jokingly, "I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out, I was mistaken." We don’t like to be wrong, and we especially don’t like to admit it. But again, seeing an argument only along the lines of “right and wrong” is often the wrong question.
At New Day we’ve been in a series on the book of James. It’s been punching me in the gut. This past week, Pastor Cameron hyperlinked to Ephesians 4:29 in the Message Bible, where it states, “Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.” Each word a gift. A gift doesn’t fit on the “right or wrong” scale—it’s about the attitude of the giver. Are you saying things that are helpful or hurtful?
Here's the thing: in an argument, you (probably) both have a point. Something has come to the surface. It needs to be discussed. Your tone of voice matters. Words are powerful. The tone of your words are also powerful. The Scriptures tell us "the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” (James 3:5). May we be ones who speak with kindness in a world of harshness. May we, by the Spirit of God, and as Kally Fielding of New Day Nichols depicted in the beautiful artwork below, make every word a gift.
